Corona Virus and Uncertainty: “When Toilet Paper talks about us”

The whole world is being shaken up nowadays. Corona virus has turned upside down the human existence in a short period of time.  COVID- 19 represents all of the human fears; the fear of the unknown, the fear of dying, the fear of losing life as it is known, the fear of losing familiarity with relationships, money, comfort.  Humans are beings of customs and habits, very predictable creatures, most of the time. Predictability is loved, the coffee every morning and even the complaints for the same things over and over again. The speaking being does not cope well with the unknown. Many do not have even the skills to deal with the unknown. However, it is a fact that sooner or later a time of unexpected illness, family crisis or job layoff or …Corona virus happens.

In times of social struggle, one hopes that governments and neighbors would do the right thing.  However, our flaws as a society, a country and as simple humans show us a scene of many flamboyant colors. Mistakes are made, confusion is all around.  Some are in a state of panic, others try to take advantage of the situation, some wash their hands every 5 minutes. However, it is also truth that there are others who with courage work non-stop in hospitals, emergency rooms and clinics to save lives, others check on the sick neighbor, others share their purchases.

We learned math and science, we learned good table manners, we learned to say sorry if we step on somebody’s foot, but dealing with uncertainty is not something that we learned at school.  Being able to deal with the unknown requires the capacity to deal with castration; in Lacanian terms, with the castration of the Other. The lack of, is always present for the neurotic, the difference is rooted in the position that every subject assumes towards it.  This miniscule virus might be seen for many as a giant monster due to everything that is unknown about it and its newness to speaking beings and science. This lack of knowledge feeds all kind of anxieties, fears and stresses.

For some, buying all the toilet paper from the supermarket shelves will prevent them from suffering, will prevent them from dying, will prevent them from dealing with castration. Lacan speaks about the two deaths, the biological death and the death introduced by the signifier, by language.  These two deaths require us to deal with a loss, with the unknown, with a reality that never inscribes itself in the signifier chain.

The reality of Corona virus shows with cruelty that not everything can be controlled. And even though human beings feel masters of the universe most of the time, this virus is reflecting the human vulnerability and its limitations.  Perhaps in times like this, support and anchorage needs to be found in what is known and familiar: jobs, relationships, community, friends, activities. Perhaps, this is a time to embrace social participation and community work. Perhaps, it is a time to change perspectives, values and ideals.

The post PODCAST: Coronavirus and Uncertainty “When Toilet Paper talks about us” appeared first on Gabriela Giuggioloni.

 Nest syndrome.

Married couples and living together couples face several problems, such as relationship conflicts that occur once children have left home. This farewell is very painful for parents; but it also creates the possibility of uncovering unfinished business or unresolved issues between the parents.

It is important that the couples know how to cultivate moments to share together. Source: Joydip Dutt / CC BY-SA

Couples therapy proves to be the key to address relationship problems associated with familiar crisis, for example, when adult children leave the familiar home. We note that the “empty nest syndrome” is a relatively popular term, it is the outcome when children become independent from their parents’ home, this leads to the parents feeling sadness and loneliness. But the fact of the offspring leaving home, goes beyond disrupting parent’s roles. This departure can expose a number of relationship issues, which many times before the couple preferred to avoid, or they weren’t aware of the issue or struggle.

The avoidance of relationship problems

When parents see themselves alone at home, when children are no longer a “distraction” to their reality as a couple, they might become a couple again or realize that something is not working.

Couples might confront issues that appear after the departure of their adult children, usually, they have been dragging them along for several years, even some beginning as unresolved premarital problems and have been latent during the family life. Many times if the couple’s members have started to note some issues and chose to overlook the situation as well as avoiding consulting a couple therapist or family counselor, the relationship has suffered, creating couples’ conflicts and other kinds of family issues.

It´s necessary to consider that when a couple has their first child, they are no longer just a couple, they become parents, a family.

Becoming parents brings all kind of changes and the appearance of new challenging roles.   Many things are established for the sake of their kids, everything in their daily lives revolves around them. Parenthood might become an absorbent task. The relationship members could lose their own identity as Individuals. At the same time the couple might suffer after giving all their attention and effort to the family’s wellbeing. They become careless with their own couple spaces, they don’t take enough time for themselves to enjoy and grow the relationship. In some cases, kids are “used”, consciously or unconsciously, to escape from some conflicts between the parents, arguing things like: “there´s no time for that” “I do not want to hurt my kids with that.”

Because facing all these problematics is overwhelming and anxiety provoking, couples tend to avoid family counseling, and other therapeutic options, that can help with their issues. Therefore, it is not surprising that at some point, couple’s problems appear as a huge unstoppable rolling snowball of personal, relationship and unresolved family issues.

Couples therapy as a priceless option

There are many resources for couples, some of them have a preventive aspect, oriented to new relationships just like premarital counseling. This kind of therapy helps the couple to understand their dynamics and solve conscious or unconscious issues revealed by the couple or either of the couple’s members. Individual therapy is part of the treatment, many times as a fundamental tool to work on personal issues that are affecting the relationship greatly.

Some of the topics in couple therapy will focus specifically on a group of objectives. Such as the following ones:

• Helps people in order to make them aware of their problem and how this affects their couple’s dynamic.
• Establishing and improving dialogue with each other for good communication is the key to developing a better relationship dynamic.
• Define the objectives that partners wish to achieve individually and as a couple.
• Design strategies to solve these relationship problems.
• Facilitate the process of “re-discovering” themselves as a couple.
• Support the creation of spaces and activities which are exclusive to the couple.

In conclusion: a farewell is a couple’s new beginning

While it is true that saying goodbye to kids is painful, it is necessary to remember that this event represents an excellent opportunity to begin something new and take care of all the needs that have been ignored or postponed until now; unfinished business can cut off the full development of a person and a relationship with a life partner.

With regards to couples counseling, it is an invaluable resource in cases of empty nest syndrome and helps couples to accept problems and work them out, to enjoy and re-discover a romantic relationship or decide on a separation if they do not have the desire to continue together or work on their problems.

Gabriela R. Giuggioloni MA, LCSW-R

The post Couples therapy and the Empty –  Nest syndrome appeared first on Gabriela Giuggioloni.