Why dating is difficult and what you can do about it

20 Jun Why dating is difficult and what you can do about it

I hope you all are okay. Today, we are going to talk about dating.

The intention of meeting men or women with a romantic or sexual interest, often confronts us with our own limitations and vulnerabilities.

For many, it is not easy to expose themselves, show themselves to others or take risks. However, it is essential in order to start a relationship and to be able to be vulnerable and to accept the vulnerability of the other. Only in this way, will it be possible to build a relationship with a solid foundation, where communication, desire and affection come together. It is about the possibility of confronting castration that two people can be intimately related.

Advances in technology and long working hours have transformed the way we socialize and meet people.

Today, it is common for people to start dating through chats, social media and applications. While this could be seen as an easy way, it hides the problem that many have in their ability to relate to others.

There are two obstacles interfering with dating generally:

1. The fear of being judged or not living up to the circumstances (judging one’s self),
2. Having the fantasy of being hurt, abandoned or rejected.

These issues play a very important role in trying to get closer to one another. Precisely, as these situations create anguish, barriers and walls are raised making it difficult and complicated to meet and get closer to others. These difficulties that I am talking about are not related to age, rather they are associated with past experiences and the particular position that each subject has in relation to the other.

In everything we do there is risk, something can be gained or lost. But it must be clear that inaction always leads to loss, stagnation and not achieving what one wants in life. With being pro-active, something can be attained; if it is not love, it will be experience, it will be to lose fear a little, it will be to know more about what one wants or how one deals with romantic or sexual interactions.

¿What can be done in the face of inaction or anguish when dating?

The first thing is to assess the level of distress. If the anguish is such that it causes stagnation and makes it very difficult to do something on your own, you should seek professional help. On the other hand, if insecurities or fears persist, make noise, but do not generate paralyzing anguish, it will be much easier to move forward with desire.

Click here to learn more about how individual therapy can help.

I also mentioned the fear of being rejected or abandoned. These fantasies may correspond to a history of abandonment, lack of affection or trauma. In these cases, it is essential to seek the help of a therapist.

When the mark of history is established as the norm in the relationship with the other, the subject is trapped in his/her own history, therefore there is work to do in regards positioning themselves in a different way towards this web of lacks, abandonment or trauma.

We can all have these feelings to a greater or lesser degree, what makes the difference, is the appearance of paralyzing anxiety, inhibition, or procrastination. Each person will have the individual responsibility to assess the extent to which they can untangle these issues alone or when looking for help is a must in order to advance ones’ own desire.

This may interest you: What to do if you feel stuck in life.