Relation between WhatsApp and relationship issues in couples

31 Oct Relation between WhatsApp and relationship issues in couples

There is a relation between the use of WhatsApp and relationship issues among couples.

I have read an article talking about the direct relationship between WhatsApp and divorce rates in Italy. This article reminded me about how, so many times I have heard in my New York City private practice, couples talking about their partners WhatsApp activity and their feelings or concerns about it

“Do you know that you can check when somebody is connected to WhatsApp or the last time they were connected to the application?” This is a common discourse in sessions. Partners “check” on each other at different times of the day in the application. There is an urge to know what the partner is doing and this is not just a phenomenon in Italy. Technology has many positives, but it also triggers and facilitates an extreme curiosity to find out more and more about others. The transgression of a limit is always dangerous territory. Some couples even go a step further and add tracking applications or devices to each other phones to monitor where their partners physically go during the day or after work.

The compulsion to know and to see after infidelity

It seems that some people have a compulsion to check Facebook accounts, phone calls, chats, credit cards expenses, work agenda, etc.  It is common to hear in couples with a history of infidelity that the partner who felt betrayed tends to oversee their partner “to be sure” it won’t happen again and the other accepts the intrusion because of the guilt. In some other situations, partners insecure with themselves might develop feelings of jealousy or possessiveness, and unfortunately many act on them creating more stress in their relationships.

Social media platforms like WhatsApp invite us to keep constantly but superficially in touch with the significant other.

There is an expectation of receiving several messages throughout the day without considering that partners might be busy at work, running errands or doing something else. Some people cannot wait for an answer and this also contributes to feed feelings of insecurity and jealousy. WhatsApp communication is not meaningful communication, as a matter-of-fact social media communication creates plenty of misunderstandings and lacks deep connection with the other.  The best scenario for an important conversation is a one to one in person conversation, where partners can see body language and hear the tone of what it is being said in the conversation.

Is it worth it to check on your partner constantly?

The answer to this question is no.  It does not help the relationship neither does it help yourself.

Whether we are talking about a history of infidelity, insecurities, issues of jealousy or possessiveness, being obsessed about the whereabouts of a partner or their social media activity only feeds a relationship dynamic of distrust and frustration. This dynamic needs to change, but it is very difficult for many couples to do so without professional help since they are totally immersed in their distrust, so they do not look at the issue from a new or different perspective or insight.

Interested in couples therapy in New York or Florida? I can help! Click here to know more.

Couples and/or even individual therapy might help tremendously those partners going through this circle of distrust and disconnection.  It will be fundamental to pinpoint the sources and triggers of these patterns in order to start establishing a healthier dynamic in the relationship and obviously improve self-confidence and sense of worth in individuals. Furthermore, honesty and commitment need to be part of the process. Couples thrive based on their desire to be together and the understanding that both parts have a mutual responsibility for their successes and failures.