What you need to know about couple therapy consultations

11 Jul What you need to know about couple therapy consultations

My experience over the years as a couple therapist has taught me that although each couple is different, they also sometimes have a lot in common.

Couples therapy is an excellent resource when the members of a couple have these characteristics:

1. They take responsibility into the part that each one has to do, inherent to the problems of the couple and the personal issues that affect the relationship.
2. they have real intentions to solve the problems that affect the couple.
3. they are genuinely willing to do the individual and partner work that is needed for the relationship to flourish.
4. they have the ability to reflect on themselves and accept mistakes. (insight)

When a couple has the qualities that I have mentioned above, it is very likely they can solve their problems or conflicts, and even improve many aspects of their relationship.

However, there are couples who are in other places emotionally/psychologically and do not have these capacities.

These couples usually have to do individual work, which usually involves expanding the capacity of insight, to be able to reach the moment when they can make a change for themselves and consequently for the relationship. Sometimes, trauma or others personal issues need to be elaborated individually.

If individual responsibility cannot be accepted for the problems that the couple faces, it is difficult for a change to happen in the couple’s situation.

I provide couples therapy in New York and Florida. Click here to learn more and contact me.

This impossibility of taking responsibility, of being able accountable can manifest itself in the couple’s consultation in different ways:

1. Couples seeking therapy at times when the relationship is in crisis. Usually the relationship is already very deteriorated when asking for help. One of the members of the couple has already decided to end the relationship (but does not know how to move forward towards desire) and the other does not accept the loss.
2. It also happens that many couples go to couples counseling looking for immediate solutions. These couples do not have patience with themselves or with the therapeutic process that is needed for changes to take place.
3. It is also common for couples to come to therapy sessions looking for a judge, an attorney, or a witness. These couples place their responsibility for the problems in the relationship on the therapist and want the therapist to resolve their conflicts.

It is imperative to begin any therapy modality with a sense of responsibility. Understanding that the possibility of overcoming or improving specific problems or the dynamics of the relationship requires the commitment of both parties. The responsibility of a couple therapist is to support the therapeutic work of the couple, the individual work, and to be clear about the dynamics of the relationship to know where and how to intervene.

This may interest you: Couple Therapy: How does it work.